He Knows What I am Going Through

As of this writing, it’s been almost exactly 48 hours since I said my final goodbye to Mom.

We are starting to get the business of death together—shredding, sorting, packing, picking out urns. But sleep has gone by the wayside. Maybe four or five hours a night, tossing and turning. I am exhausted, but I can’t seem to get much sleep.

Praying is hard.

Today’s verse is Colossians 2:9:

“For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form.”

Jesus became man for many reasons. One of them is so that we can be sure He really does know what it’s like to be human—to experience our trials, temptations, joys, and sorrows.

We know Jesus wept when His friend Lazarus died (John 11:35). We know all the things we cling to for comfort: “O death, where is your sting?” (1Corinthians 15:55) and “Absent from the body, present with the Lord.” (2Corinthians 5:8)

But while those truths are comforting, they don’t take away the hurt, pain, loneliness, and grief.

What did Jesus really know about the grief of losing a child, spouse, or parent? After all, He raised Lazarus.

Then it struck me.

He did lose a parent—Joseph.

There is no reliable source that tells us when Joseph died, but it had to be sometime after Jesus was 12 and before He began His ministry. The details don’t matter.

What does matter is that Jesus knew what it was like to lose a parent.

To assume responsibility.

To go through his dad’s things.

To help his siblings—and Mary—navigate what this new life would look and feel like.

Jesus took responsibility for His mother’s welfare. He probably contacted the religious and secular authorities, notified the family, planned the funeral—all the things we do now while grieving Himself.

He is still here, sitting beside me even as tears sting my eyes. His arm is around me, comforting me.

He knows what I am going through.

He is weeping with me even as He is embracing Mom.

So, I will carry on.

I will not lose or diminish my faith, but I will allow the waves to crash over me, knowing that this, too, shall pass.

Knowing that Mom’s race is over and that she was welcomed as a good and faithful servant. (2Timothy 4:7; Matthew 25:21).

Knowing that God will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5), and that He is grieving with me and knows what I am going through.

I am not alone.